Club Penguin is no More! New Rules!

Club Penguin is No More!
There are going to be some BIG changes around here. Greetings penguins. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Herbert P. Bear, Esquire. YOUR NEW LEADER. The island you knew is no more. From now on, this place is called CLUB HERBERT!
WHAT??? I am sure many of you are quite confused. After all, penguins are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. I’ll use small words to explain. For the last five years, I have battled in secret with the Elite Penguin Force. And this week, they lost that battle. I destroyed their headquarters, and scattered their agents. Now I claim what is rightfully mine—a quiet tropical paradise! However —I’m afraid it shall take ALL the sunlight you have to keep my lair warm. I suggest investing in a flashlight. Welcome to the Blackout, penguins. Get used to it. And keep quiet. —Herbert Percival Bear, Esq. Operation Blackout CHEATS!
New Rules!
By order of Herbert P Bear, Illustrious Leader Supreme, the following rules are now in effect: No singing, No dancing, No parties, NO LAUGHING (except Herbert), No loud music, No snowball throwing, No swimming, No eating of meat, NO TOOTING (it’s gross) and NO FUN!
In addition, all puffles are to be kept quiet on a leash at all times. Anyone caught doing ANY of these crimes will be arrested. And frozen. No exceptions. You have been warned.
Upcoming Events!
On now Paradise Party Come to the most amazing, dignified, and fancy party EVER at Herbert’s Lair. No penguins allowed.
On now My Awesome Life The true story of one polar bear’s journey to discover his true potential. Only at the Stage.
The Blackout has begun. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
Find the collectible pin! Hidden now until Nov. 14 Heavy Weights Pin CHEATS :)
NO next pin hidden: PINS CANCELLED!
News Flash!
Surrender EPF agents! I KNOW who you are! I have discovered your secret identities. Now I shall be conducting my OWN Operation: Hibernation. You cannot run! You cannot hide! I WILL WIN!
Ask Herbert!
Sorry, who are you? – Hugh R. Ewe
The answer to your silly question is both simple and extraordinary. I am Herbert P. Bear Esquire, your new Illustrious Leader Supreme.
Hey Herbert! Do you really think you’ll get away with this? – Will Stohp U
Perhaps you didn’t notice—I already did.
Hey Herbert! Are you the one who destroyed the PSA?–C. Crate
As a matter of fact, yes. I’m getting pretty good at destroying secret agent facilities, aren’t I? MWAHAHA!
Hey Herbert! Where have you been hiding all this time?! – Rue Key
I haven’t been HIDING, you contemptible little noise maker. I’ve been preparing.
Hey Herbert! You’re going down! – Sirius Lee
That wasn’t a question. Have you forgotten what a question mark looks like?
The sky is dark thanks to my brilliant invention!
Why is it so dark? – Sunny No Moe
What’s that? You think it’s getting dark out? I hadn’t noticed. Perhaps you need to get your eyes checked... MWA HA HA! Fooled you, you doddering dullard! Actually, it IS getting dark out—all thanks to my brilliant invention: the Solar Laser! This ingenious device allows me to funnel all the sunlight within four hundred miles into a single spot. The result is a perfect paradise... for me. Unfortunately for you, the Solar Laser also has a few side effects. The more sunlight it collects, the colder and darker the island gets. Oh, it may get a little unpleasant out there, so I recommend bundling up and staying indoors. Wouldn’t want you to FREEZE, now would we? So you had better get used to the new weather, Mr. Sunny No Moe. Or go away. Either works for me.
Jokes!
Q. What’s black and white and red all over?
A. The newspaper! My crustaceous comrade Klutzy, you fools!–Icetee790
Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 ate 9! It’s of no consequence!–DJ Jackson1
Q. What can you hold without ever touching?
A. A conversation! My victory!–Axe2346
Q. Click ka-click?
A. Clickety click, clickety click! =D–Klutzy
Q. What’s once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in a thousand years?
A. The letter ‘m’! The triumph of the Elite Penguin Failures! They will never prevail!–Uldara1
Q. My head is warm, my feet are cold, no one can move me, I’m just too old. What am I?
A. A mountain! Aunt Arctic! MWAHAHA!–Freehat52![]()
Secrets Classified Secret Agent Identities: Dot
Did you know there are secret agents all over the island? Probably not. None of you are as intelligent as I. They go to a great deal of trouble keeping their identities a secret... SO I’M GOING TO TELL YOU THEM!
Name: Agent D—”The Disguise Gal”
Real name: Dot
Rank: Stealth Lead
Strengths: Agility, adaptability, conviction
Weaknesses: Needs practice in System Defender
Best Run Time: 5 km in 19.5 minutes
Notes: Displayed strong leadership during Operation: Robotomy, and Operation: Herbert’s Revenge.
…ATTENTION! Click on the EPF sign on the Everyday Phoning Facility to get a Secret Message: As of this moment, you are now a part of the EPF resistance. Report for duty in the underground HQ. Club Penguin will be free. – The Director of EPF
…See earlier Newspaper Club Penguin issue Times 368 :)





























































